Something feels bigger than you right now.
That can change.
Out of Control Sexual Behavior
Maybe you've been searching 'sex addiction' to find this page — and that's okay. Whatever language feels right to you, you're in the right place.
Something about your sexual behavior has started to feel out of control, at odds with your values, or like it's causing real harm — to your relationship, your sense of self, or both. Maybe it's pornography use that's taken over more of your life than you intended. Maybe you've acted outside the agreements of your relationship, and you don't fully understand why. Maybe you keep doing something you've promised yourself you'd stop, and the shame of that cycle is exhausting.
Or maybe you're struggling with attractions or desires that feel confusing, frightening, or impossible to talk about — and you've been carrying that alone for a long time.
You are not a bad person. You are not beyond help. And whatever is driving this behavior, there is almost always more to the story than simple moral failing or lack of willpower.
This is a space where we can look at that story honestly — without judgment, without shame, and without labels that don't actually fit.
You might be in the right place if...
• Sexual behavior has crossed lines you set for yourself: with pornography, with other people, or in ways that violated your relationship agreements — and you're not sure how to stop the cycle.
• You find yourself using sexual behavior to cope with stress, boredom, loneliness, or uncomfortable emotions, and it's become a pattern you feel increasingly out of control of.
• You want things sexually that your partner isn't open to, and instead of finding a way to talk about it, you've been acting on it in secret.
• The gap between who you want to be and how you're behaving has become a source of constant shame and self-criticism.
• You've tried to stop or change the behavior on your own and haven't been able to — and you're starting to wonder if you need real support.
• If you're struggling with atypical attractions — including attractions that feel confusing, unwanted, or outside the norm — and you're looking for a safe, non-judgmental space to process what that means for you and your life.
A word about 'sex addiction' — and why the distinction matters
If you searched 'sex addiction' to find this page, you're not alone — it's the most common language people use when they're struggling with sexual behavior that feels out of control.
I'm not going to tell you that term is wrong or that your experience isn't real and painful. It clearly is. But I do want to be honest with you about what the research actually says — because I think it matters for your healing.
AASECT, the gold standard professional organization for sex therapy and education, has taken a formal position that the sex addiction model is not supported by sufficient unbiased research. The closest clinical diagnosis available is Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder in the ICD-11, which acknowledges that sexual behavior can become problematic and distressing without labeling the brain as “addicted.” This matters because the addiction framing, while it gives people a language for their struggle, can also increase shame, create a sense of helplessness, and bypass the real underlying drivers of the behavior.
In my experience, those drivers are almost never 'my brain is addicted to sex.' They're far more often unmet needs, communication breakdowns, untreated trauma, differences in sexual preferences that have never been talked about honestly, or behavior that is being used to manage emotions that have nowhere else to go. When we understand what the behavior is actually doing for you — what need it's meeting, what it's helping you avoid, what you haven't been able to say out loud — that's where real change becomes possible.
You don't have to call yourself an addict to get help here. And you don't have to be one for this to be a serious problem worth addressing.
What this work actually looks like:
OCSB therapy isn't about telling you what you should or shouldn't want. It's about understanding what's driving the behavior, and building something that actually works for your life, your relationships, and your values.
We start by getting honest about what's actually happening. Not just the behavior itself, but what's underneath it.
>What need is it meeting?
>What is it helping you cope with or avoid?
>What have you been unable to say or ask for in your relationship?
>What do you actually want — sexually, relationally, emotionally — and how far is that from what you've been doing?
From there, the work often includes building real communication skills around sexual needs and desires — because a significant number of people who end up in this cycle are there partly because they've never had a safe, effective way to talk about what they actually want with their partner. We work on that.
We also work on shame, because shame rarely changes behavior; it usually drives it underground and makes it worse. Reducing shame while increasing accountability is a very different approach from the moral framework most people bring to the therapy room with them.
Progress looks different for everyone because you define what sexual health means for you.
Generally, it often looks like: less secrecy, less shame, clearer boundaries, better communication, and sexual behavior that feels congruent with your values rather than at war with them.
A version of yourself you can actually live with.
Why specialized sex therapy makes a difference here.
OCSB is one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized areas of sexual health — and one of the most undertreated, because people are often too ashamed to seek help until things have gotten significantly worse.
As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I bring both clinical expertise, a sex-positive lens, and a non-pathologizing framework to this work. I'm not here to diagnose you, label you, or tell you your brain is broken. I'm here to help you understand yourself, and to build a version of sexual health that is genuinely yours.
I've worked with people across the full spectrum of this issue — from pornography use that got out of hand, to acting outside relationship agreements, to compulsive behavior rooted in unprocessed trauma or shame. In almost every case, the behavior made complete sense once we understood what was driving it. That understanding is where change begins. This is also a space that is explicitly open to people navigating atypical attractions — including those that carry significant stigma. You will not be judged here for what you are attracted to.
We work on what you do with it, how you feel about it, and how you build a life that is honest, ethical, and yours.
FAQs
Does this mean something is wrong with me as a person?
1
No, and I want to be clear about that from the start. Struggling with sexual behavior that feels out of control says nothing about your character or your worth as a person. It usually says something about unmet needs, untreated pain, or patterns that made sense at some point and now don't. That's not a moral failing. That's something we can work with.
Will you tell me I have to stop the behavior entirely?
2
No. That's not my call to make, it's yours. My job isn't to tell you what your sexual behavior should look like. It's to help you get honest about what's driving it, what it's costing you, and what you actually want your life to look like. What you decide to do with that is up to you.
What if I'm not sure I want to change?
3
That's an honest place to start — and more common than you'd think. Ambivalence isn't a barrier to therapy, it's often the thing we work on first. You don't have to arrive with certainty or commitment. You just have to be willing to take a closer look.
Is everything I share confidential?
4
Yes, with the same standard legal exceptions that apply to all licensed therapists in Minnesota and Wisconsin. Outside of those, nothing you share leaves the room. This is especially important to say clearly for people navigating shame-heavy concerns — your privacy is protected, and I take that seriously.
Then you're probably exactly who this space is for. You don't have to have the right words, and you don't have to disclose everything at once. If you're carrying something that has felt impossible to say to anyone, a therapist who won't flinch is a good place to start. There is also a dedicated page on this site for atypical attractions, if that's part of what you're navigating.
What if my attractions feel scary or shameful to say out loud?
5
You don't have to keep managing this alone.
Whatever you've been carrying (the behavior, the shame, the confusion about why it keeps happening), this is a space where you can be honest about all of it.
Without labels. Without judgment. Without being told who you are based on what you've done.
Reaching out is the hardest part. Everything after that, we figure out together.