Therapy for Desire & Arousal Struggles

In-person and Online Therapy in Minnesota
&
Online Therapy in Vermont

You are not broken.

In your daily life, you might find that intimacy with your partner(s) feels like a chore or something you avoid, leading to a growing sense of disconnect, frustration, and even sadness. This lack of sexual desire or arousal might be weighing on your mind, causing you to question whether it's your fault or if something is wrong with you. It could also be affecting your mood, making you feel frustrated or guilty, which then impacts other areas of your life. You might be tired of feeling this way and want to take steps to address it, but you're not sure where to start.

Maybe you’re noticing:

  • The thought of being sexual feels exhausting rather than exciting: You find yourself feeling less interested in sexual activities than you used to be, even if you are in a relationship or have a supportive partner.

  • Your body rejects touch: You notice that when sexual situations arise, your body doesn't respond the way it used to—sometimes even pulling away from touch.

  • Your lack of desire causes issues: You sometimes feel disconnected from your partner because of this, and it can lead to tension or misunderstandings in your relationship(s).

  • You feel ‘broken’ or ‘damaged’: You worry that something might be wrong with you or that these issues will never get better, which creates anxiety and seems to further diminish your interest in sex.

  • Avoiding your partner(s) has become the norm: You find that you sometimes avoid situations that could lead to sexual intimacy because you feel self-conscious or anxious about your body's response.

  • Your orgasms feel different: Having an orgasm is difficult (or you’re not sure you’ve ever had one) now.

Your current sexual struggles do not have to define your pleasure’s future.

You might feel like you're stuck in a rut, and the lack of sexual desire or arousal could leave you questioning if things will ever change. But it's important to know that you're not destined to feel this way forever. Despite what it may feel like, or what your partner(s) may say, the changes you have been experiencing in your desire and arousal levels do not mean you are broken! These aspects of ourselves will often ebb and flow throughout our lifetimes and can be influenced by various external factors: stress, body changes, hormone changes, sexual preferences, bad breath, time of the month, feelings of the bedsheets, and many, many other things. This does not mean something is wrong with you! (Nor does it mean something is wrong with your partner, either, if they want sex differently than you do.) It just means things are different.


By exploring what's underneath these changes with curiosity and compassion, you can find ways to reconnect with yourself and your partner(s).

It's okay to take things at your own pace and to seek help in uncovering what might be affecting your sexual desire. With support, you can discover new ways to reignite the spark, fostering a sense of comfort and rejuvenation in your intimate relationship(s). Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and there's hope for a more connected and fulfilling sexual experience.

Desire and arousal struggles can impact both the individual and the relationship(s) they are in. It can often cause people to withdraw or avoid certain behaviors or aspects of their relationship(s) or self-love in an attempt to avoid pain and arguments, but tend to only cause more division and disconnect.

Within the individual therapy sphere, Jess helps her clients to understand the blocks that they feel are in the way, define what an individual even wants as their sexual expression, and assists with a sex-positive and client-centered approach to help her clients find intimacy that feels honoring of the individual and bring back pleasure to their lives.

Within the relationship therapy sphere, Jess facilitates similar understanding of the things that feel they are getting in the way, or better understanding the changes that have occurred, and with all people’s needs/wants in mind, helps the relationship unit(s) to define what intimacy looks like for all. Usually this then reignites the pleasure and passion within the relationship and a new ebb and flow of pleasure is discovered.

Sometimes this processing brings about a discovery of wanting to engage in a non-traditional (e.g., non-monogamous) relationship structure. Jess is open to processing what this may mean, look like in practice, and supports an individual and/or relationship to adjust to whatever means they feel work for them. (Don’t worry — Jess cannot tell you what to do with your relationship! That is completely your choice. She simply offers the space to process through those choices, should you want to consider them.)

Individual & Relationship Therapy for Desire & Arousal Struggles

Therapy for desire & arousal struggles can help you:

  • Broaden your understanding of what is causing some of the changes in your desire and/or arousal;

  • To remove some of the societal “gunk” that might be getting in the way of your pleasure-receiving by removing the shame and/or guilt attached to sexuality;

  • Begin to find your true sexual voice and express your needs and wants for your sex life in an assertive way to yourself and your partner(s);

  • Strengthen your relationship(s) by broadening the definition of what it means to “be sexual” with your partner(s) — or yourself;

  • To feel like your sex life is something you want to do rather than something you have to do;

  • Begin to focus on, and experience, pleasure with yourself and/or your partner(s);

  • Understand what changes your body is going through so you can redefine how to be sexual with yourself and/or your partner(s).

You do not have to live in the hopes of what once was and instead embrace the possibility of what could be.

I’m here to help you discover how wonderful your new passion can be.

FAQs

  • There can be various reasons for a decrease in sexual desire or arousal, including stress, relationship issues, hormonal changes, medical conditions, or medication side effects. Understanding the underlying cause is crucial for addressing the issue effectively.

  • If you notice a persistent and significant change in your sexual desire or arousal that is causing distress, it may be beneficial to consult a healthcare professional or a sex therapist. They can help identify the root cause and provide guidance on potential solutions or treatments.

  • Yes, certain medications, including antidepressants, antihypertensives, and hormonal treatments, can impact sexual desire and arousal. If you suspect medication is affecting your sexual health, it's crucial to consult with your healthcare provider. They may adjust the dosage, switch medications, or explore alternative solutions.

  • Mental health and emotional well-being are closely linked to sexual desire and arousal. Conditions like anxiety, depression, or past trauma can impact one's sexual health. Seeking support from a mental health professional alongside addressing any physical factors can contribute to a holistic approach to sexual well-being.